A more perfect union — or a marriage of convenience

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Chris Christie and Barack Obama.

After Hurricane Sandy hit the east coast of the United States in 2012, we all had the chance to see the photo of president Barack Obama and New Jersey governor Chris Christie walking almost hand in hand through some of the areas the storm hit. Moreover, governor Christie praised president Obama and his response to the hurricane.

At that time, I saw some of my Democratic-leaning friends expressing their warm feelings towards Christie, saying things along the lines of, “Nice to see there’s one normal Republican” and “Christie proves not all Republicans are bad,” etc. Mind you, I’m paraphrasing, but that was the sentiment. And y’all know who you are.

On February 26, 2016, Chris Christie, the same governor of New Jersey, “a state I have little interest in or affection for,” as Arnold Rothstein said to Nucky Thompson on Boardwalk Empireendorsed the New York real estate developer, Donald Trump, for president. This same Chris Christie, the one liked by some of the moderate Republicans and many centrist Democrats alike, suddenly endorses the candidate who, at least in everything he says, and based on the fact that even the Ku Klux fucking Klan endorses him, is the arch right-wing extremist. I mean, we’re talking about a man who wants to build an actual wall on the U.S.-Mexico border (that just last night got ten feet taller”; the man who wants to deport all 11 million illegal immigrants and “let the good ones in again;” the man who insults absolutely anyone he can think of; the man who is seriously talking about killing Muslims with bullets dipped in pig’s blood… The list goes on.

Chris Christie, the guy who gets praised by Democrats for being friendly towards the Democrats, including the Democratic president, suddenly endorses a huge sack of shit who’s only talk and no substance. A sack of shit who, without heritance, would be, as Marco Rubio pointed out yesterday, selling watches in Manhattan.

It doesn’t add up, does it?

Unless.

Unless the conspiracy theory that Donald Trump is a plant by the Hillary Clinton campaign to considerably mess up the Republican primary race and help make Hillary Clinton president is actually… true.

Now I have said on numerous occasions that I hate conspiracy theories. But considering that this is probably the dirtiest presidential primary race in the recorded history, I am starting to see some truths in this one. And maybe it’s not even a conspiracy theory. Maybe it’s just a theory.

When we look at the general election polls, the ones for the potential race of Trump vs. Clinton indicate quite clearly that Hillary would win. When we look at the Democratic delegate count, it’s almost certain Hillary will be the nominee. And, as horrendous as it is, Donald Trump might actually end up being the Republican nominee. Hillary’s success is pretty understandable because — even despite all her shortcomings — there are more people who hate the Donald than the ones who hate Hillary. So at the end of the day, even people who resent such a terrifying choice, will hold their breath and vote for Hillary. And we’ll end up with another at least four years of Obama, potentially even worse.

And let’s look at another scenario. Imagine if Bernie Sanders were to win the Democratic nomination. There is no chance in hell (unless it freezes over, and it rarely does) that the American people would elect an open communist president. So, if the general election ends up being Bernie vs. the Donald, the latter is going to be president. But no harm done to the Democratic Party as in the form of Donald Trump, the country will still have a president who is a lot closer to the Democratic ideals than he is to the Republican.

Marco Rubio pointing out Donald Trump's shortcomings at the GOP primary debate on February 25.

Marco Rubio pointing out Donald Trump’s shortcomings at the GOP primary debate on February 25.

It’s not in vain Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz have both accused Donald Trump of being a closet Democrat. Many of his positions are a lot closer to the Democratic ones than his own supposed party. He has always gotten along with the Democrats better than with the Republicans. He has always given thousands of dollars to the Democrats and close to none to the Republicans. He wants to expand many of the policies of Barack Obama at the time the Republican field wants to curb or outright repeal them. It was especially clear after the last night’s GOP debate that Donald Trump is in the wrong party. Based on his ideas and ideals, he’d make a perfect candidate on the other side of the aisle.

There might be another misconception about the Donald. Many people, including myself, think or have thought that Donald Trump is a massive fucking moron. But what if he’s not? What if he’s actually smart and he’s actually deliberately and very calculatingly saying all the horrendous things that he has been saying? What if he deliberately behaves the way he does, insulting everyone and appearing to the crowd as “the only one who speaks the truth”, thus gaining a solid following that does exactly what the Hillary campaign expects him to do?

I do admit, it is a long shot. The way he acts, the way he speaks, the things he says, his grimaces and body language indicate very clearly that we’re dealing with an unstable person who should be under medication, locked away in the dungeons of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, in a cell between the ones of that crazy fuck Miggs and Hannibal Lecter. But he’s not, is he. That one leaves room for wondering.

So, as Super Tuesday looms upon us, let’s all take a moment thinking about this. I have friends on both sides of the aisle, and I am not even trying to convert the lefty ones. You will make your choice between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton according to your conscience. But you, the ones voting in the Republican primaries, please do the humanity a favor and think very, very hard who you’re giving your support to.

(Full disclosure. All of the above I just saw in a dream. It was a bad dream, but nevertheless a dream. Including the title of this blog post. Nobody can sue nobody for having a dream, right? I mean, even that yellow-haired, orange-faced motherfucker can’t, right?)

Cross-posted on Medium.com.

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