So many questions—and how UPS sucks a golf ball through a garden hose

To honestly tell you the entire tale I have to say that I am not even angry any more. I am just so baffled and confused, and I genuinely want to get answers to my questions on how this utmost piece-of-shit company called UPS operates—and why.

On May 6 I ordered something from a California-based company. I was only a tiny bit surprised when on May 9, when the parcel was handed over to UPS, it was done in Shanghai, China. I mean, most of the stuff we use today is made in China.

But what followed was highly surprising. And idiotic.

Delivery history

As you can see from the above tracking history, it has now taken UPS four days to take my parcel on a world tour. Shanghai, Osaka, Anchorage, Louisville. Even now it’s a five-hour drive away from Chicago, and it has been there for the past 15 hours. Why is it still there—that would be one of the questions I have for UPS. But let’s start from the beginning.

My first question would be, what happened between 05/10/2014 6:39 P.M. and 05/12/2014 4:51 P.M. when my parcel was stationary in Shanghai? A weekend, you say? No, that’s not a valid answer. Because UPS is a service company, moreover, it’s a delivery company, and therefore it works 24/7/365. A delivery company doesn’t have weekends or holidays, it has work in shifts so that people’s parcels get delivered AS QUICKLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

Secondly. If UPS received the parcel on May 9, then why wasn’t it shipped out right away? May 9 was a Friday, they had plenty of time to send it on its way. If done correctly, I could’ve received the parcel on Monday.

But to understand the entire idiocracy of how UPS operates, I drew this map, entitling it “Doing it wrong”:

Doing it wrong

So thirdly, could someone please explain why should a parcel from Shanghai to Chicago travel through Japan, Alaska and Kentucky? Because, as we can see from the following map, entitled “Doing it right”, there are direct flights between Shanghai and Chicago, and it only takes 13 hours and 20 minutes, according to Google. As opposed to 28 hours.

Doing it right.

Fourthly, what the fuck has my parcel been doing in Louisville, KY, for the past 15 hours? Even if they drove, they could’ve delivered it THREE TIMES already, and yet it’s still in Louis-fucking-ville.

Now, I do admit that the date UPS gave as the delivery estimate was May 15. So hence my fifth question—why couldn’t UPS deliver parcels immediately, as quickly as possible, instead of giving a completely arbitrary delivery date and then holding parcels stuck in some God-forsaken warehouse in Kentucky so that it definitely couldn’t arrive sooner? I mean, you work for me, don’t you? You’ve been paid by the merchant I did business with to work for me. Therefore I should already have my parcel and instead of writing this blog post I could do something much more fruitful.

Thus, sixthly and finally—are you deliberately trying to be the absolute worst company in the whole wide world, or are you completely shitty by accident? Because it seems to me you’re making an extra effort to piss your customers off.

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